-Home is an interesting place. It is a place to go, yet it is right here. The eternal part of you is floating lost in a dream, yet at the core of your attention, is home.

-When a person is traumatized their basic goal is to escape, to avoid pain. We use our shield, the internal discussion and self image, as a place to hide. We strive to live in the image and understanding of the situation, yet denying the situation. Our being simply ceases to be fully present in this body. It is hiding, veiled within, behind a thousand images and mirrors, keeping others at a safe distance, imagining it self importance, and avoiding what is really happening.  

-Our shield, the internal conversation, is an amazing and beautiful thing. It created literature, history, a monetary system that lifts many out of subsistence living, and ponders how to interact in the world. Additionally it creates generalizations of others to attack and hate. It also masks almost any sense we have of being in a body, except as a tool to accomplish goals the internal conversation has created within itself.

-The being of conversation is marvelous, and very mysterious thing. Why are there thoughts in a body composed mostly of water and non sensing tissue? How are thoughts in us? How can we get so lost in thought that we are not aware of what is happening around us? Most odd if you look at it. My sense of it is that the thoughts sit in our attention, not in our body. This place that we live in is not just solid, it is also a massive energy field, and we exist in both of these. What you hear as thoughts are an expression of energy from the one who runs this place, translated into words by your language. The goal of the being that rules here is to keep your attention living an existence of thought, an ephemeral thought swirling through endless currents. The one in charge here does not want your attention that is in the energy field to get here in this body. In this body your attention has access to a collection of eternity that can provide a boost to take the journey out of this place. To journey out of the endless swirl and get home. The only way to get out of the mess one lives in is to get completely, totally, here. And there is an entity striving to stop you.

-Usually when we understand the need to be in the body we read books, think about it, and discuss being here. All this is conversation. It is often necessary to have this step of reading and discussing because it aligns the conversation to help in the journey to freedom. It is however important to know that reading and discussing being in the body is not the same as doing it. When you try to understand and make sense of all this, that is also the being of conversation. Being in the body is not an act of understanding, or conversation, or thought. Being in the body is a physical act. Again, the thoughts are not bad, just in the way. Use them as needed to operate in a situation, then toss them like fish back into the sea. They are not your thoughts anyway. Do not spend time trying to cease them for that will bind you to them.

--The pathway to freeing the eternal from hiding and avoiding being hurt is a maturing process. It cannot be forced. Your striving to cause it to happen will only strengthen the conversation that holds you. What is needed is a simple, calm, focused understanding of what holds you, and then the persistent determination to let go of that, layer after layer, until one day you awaken. For years I was sure I had become aware, only to see three weeks later that I was simply tripping out again, or had constructed another explanation that shielded me in my pain. The pathway to freedom involves choosing to stand and allow the waves of internal pain to pound on you instead of running for cover, and in the gale force you look around to see what you need to know and let go of. At my mothers side I heard a voice, but I was more interested in my pain and hiding from it. When I felt the hand of God caressing my face, that was not enough to let go of my pain. When the leg irons were snapped open and it was announced I was free to go, I didn't. After all those events, after all those years, I still wanted to converse and explain, vilify and attack. God had caressed my face, and I didn’t care except as an expression within my pain. This is how brutal the fight to be freed is. The being that runs this place doesn’t want to let you go, and will not without a fight. However, when you are released you will know, because you will not be just in your conversation. Your body will be filled with an intense energy, and you will be standing totally here. That energy is you home from the energy field of the darkness. Only when you are totally here and present do you have the force and determination to choose Home.  

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